Packing up for moving, staying in madtown, just gotta go from house A to house B.  Going through all sorts of old junk, was going good, found something I wrote to the ex, that brought about some pain.  Then I found a photo that I don't remember taking, it was really cute, drove the knife deeper.  Nirvana helps though, definitely helps.  Bitter... judgemental... tired... EMO.  hahahha, yah, just a little bit emo tonight.

Taking it all in with a sigh
Moving on...
Asking why...
Wondering how...
Ignoring pain...
Making mistakes, lots of mistakes,
not horrible incorrectable mistakes,
the good ones that leave a lesson.

Missing friends,
even missing enemies...
boredom is a new form of depression,
I need a new mountain to climb,
the only problem is,
on weeknights there are only hills that offer no view,
and weekends the mountains contain yellow snow, sour, sour, sour.

Judgement passed,
verdict in,
decisions made,
conviction placed,
orders mandated,
it is time to find a mother f'in new mountain.

Current Location: The WitzCave
Current Music: Nirvana

Tonight was the first time in a loooong time that I've actually sat and thought... without realizing it.  I got home from work and sat in a big comfy living room chair and stared inwards for a good 30 minutes before I realized it was time to start getting ready for bed.

Quick change of subject:  Loving someone so much that when she looks you in the eyes and says she wants to leave... real or not?
I thought that if I were ever truly in love... I'd fight like hell to keep her!  Tooth and nail from sea to sea to the end of the god damn world... But not so, and it is damn strange let me tell you.  Strangest thing I have ever felt I think, I'd prefer guilt.  At first... the numbness made me scared that maybe I did not care, then nights later when an angerball hit me like a bat out of hell it was apparent that I cared quite a bit, and not just about the convenient sex that having a girlfriend offers.  I cared, and now I have to re-decide if I should let her go or chase her down and be the "man" in romantic comedies.  Those always have happy endings... and life is the same as movies right?

=)

Current Location: The WitzCave
Current Mood: nostalgic
Current Music: Weezer and White Stripes

I do not particularly like the loose control I have over my emotions now, I've had better.  The time of day surprises me as a factor to how I feel.  Both in the morning and at night I am alone, which is bad at the moment.  I do not need alone time now, yet I have plenty heheheh.  Yet, in the morning I do not feel alone and pathetic, that depression only comes at night.  Why the difference, I am not sure, but it irritates me.

Current Location: Morning
Current Mood: irritated
Current Music: None

So... listening to her music, specifically one song, Haze of Love by Cake, I still can't figure it all out.  The lyrics start with a guy just getting out of a haze of love like he is cutting out of a jungle or walking out of fog.  The analogy is clear, that love clouds the rest of your life.  Well, ok, that makes sense and I can relate at the moment.

The problem is later in the song, the last verse:
"Its five oclock in the morning,
Or maybe its six.
I am sick of your lies.
I am sick of your tricks.
Im finally cutting through this haze of love."

Well, the problem is that there were no lies or tricks... she just got up and left to go spend her time elsewhere.  I gotta say... I am more baffled then ever.

Back to the Three Musketeers, Dumas is always good at rescuing me with an escape.

On a side note, Haze of Love looped continuosly doesn't even sound like it breaks (meaning the instruments and tone of voice, not the lyrics themselves).

Current Location: The WitzCave
Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: Haze of Love - Cake

What are you afraid of?

In two words, the future.

Will I get into law school?  Well... probably, but will it be a good one?

WIll I fall in love?  Probably... but will it be as good as the last time... will any be as good as the last time?

Is it possible to be less self involved, hah, hopefully, perhaps I should write a bit closer to politics and worry about greedy politicians keeping good services away from honest hard working people.

Tags: afraid of, writer's block
Current Location: The WitzCave
Current Mood: confused
Current Music: The ex's